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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27579718">Still Left With the River</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlinsoul/pseuds/spencers-renaissance'>spencers-renaissance (tomlinsoul)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Autistic Spencer Reid, Caretaker Derek Morgan, Caretaking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pet Names, Sad Spencer Reid, Sleepy Cuddles, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, and he gets it :), big time, thats it thats the fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:55:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,679</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27579718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlinsoul/pseuds/spencers-renaissance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sometimes all the bad thoughts build up and then they unleash themselves all at once. Like I never think about my dad or my childhood really, but then on a night like this I can’t stop thinking about it and I don’t know why.”</p><p>or; Derek wakes up to find his boyfriend crying on the sofa. Cue the hurt, the comfort, and the fluff.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>301</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Still Left With the River</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by Richard Siken's Boot Theory:</p><p>"A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river, but he's still left with the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away, but then he's still left with his hands."</p><p>Enjoy this tooth-rotting Moreid fluff, because we all need more of that in our lives :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After all these years, it’s almost like a little bit of Spencer has embedded itself in Derek: he feels when he’s happy, when he’s sad, when he’s scared so much more viscerally than he’s ever done with anybody before. It must be the reason that he stirs awake at 3am - an irregular occurrence for a deep sleeper like him - knowing even before he’s opened his eyes that something’s wrong. </p><p>The other side of the bed is empty, but it’s still warm. He can see the light from the living room creeping in through the crack under the door, soft shuffling sounds accompanying the gentle glow and it doesn’t take long for the urgency of the situation to get him going. He pulls himself from the warm comfort of the bed and hurries out into the living room where he finds Spencer curled up in a tiny ball on the sofa with Clooney at his feet, a blanket pulled over both of them.</p><p>More importantly, he finds Spencer crying. </p><p>“Baby?” he asks, concern obvious in his voice as he rushes over to the sofa and crouches down in front of it, brushing a lock of hair from his forehead. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Spencer’s eyes stay screwed shut, and he curls himself into a tighter ball, even if he can’t stop himself sniffling as tears leak down his cheeks. </p><p>“You don’t want to talk about it?” Derek asks, understanding his reaction. Spencer frequently goes non-verbal when he’s sad or overwhelmed with any emotion, really. It had frightened him at the start of their relationship, but after years of finding his boyfriend in these sorts of situations he’s learned the best ways to deal with them. </p><p>Spencer shakes his head, curling even further in on himself.</p><p>“Okay, pretty boy, you don’t have to, you know that,” he says soothingly, caressing his cheek gently as he catches a wandering tear with his thumb. “Do you want a cuddle? Or maybe a hot chocolate, a snack, a glass of water?”</p><p>Spencer opens his eyes for the first time at that, blinking up at him with big, glossy brown eyes that make him melt every time he looks into them. He uncurls himself slightly and makes room on the sofa for Derek. </p><p>“My baby wants a cuddle?” he asks warmly, following orders and getting situated on the couch so that Spencer is wedged in between him and the back of the sofa, resting his head on Derek’s shoulder as he allows an arm to snake around his waist and hold him closely. “Everything’s gonna be okay, Spencer. I’m right here.” </p><p>They lie like that for a while, Spencer still crying softly, this time into his boyfriend’s shoulder while Derek just cuddles him as close as possible, drawing patterns lightly with his finger over his face and arms and hands in a way that he knows calms Spencer down. He knows better than to try and force him to talk, he knows that he’ll calm down in time, especially with close physical contact as reassurance, and he’ll speak to Derek when he’s ready. </p><p>It’s one of those moments that Derek could not have imagined happening six or seven years ago. His twenties and early thirties had been defined by one night stands, short flings, and commitment issues. It had taken until he was thirty-two to come to terms with the fact that he liked men, too, and he never would have guessed that the person he actually settled down with would be Spencer.</p><p>Domesticity looks good on him, everyone always says, cooing and teasing when he kisses Spencer on the forehead before leaving, or declines an invitation out in favour of watching a nerdy documentary, eating takeout and having a cuddle on the sofa. And he’d have to agree. Settling down with the love of his life was one of the most emotionally thrilling experiences he’s ever had. He didn’t know he could ever love someone so much.</p><p>Eventually, Spencer’s soft cries subdue slightly, and he stirs a little in Derek’s hold, nestling his face further into his shoulder.</p><p>“You alright there, pretty boy?” he smiles, running a hand through his curls. </p><p>“You smell nice,” he admits, slinging his arm around Derek’s middle, cuddling him back properly. </p><p>“That’s very kind of you, baby,” he chuckles. “How are you doing?”</p><p>“Better,” Spencer says, voice a little muffled by the t-shirt Derek had thrown on before coming into the living room. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous. You have nothing to thank me for,” he scoffs, twirling a curl around his finger and tugging at it affectionately. </p><p>Spencer just hums, clearly sleepy from the tears and the late night. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it, baby boy?” Derek murmurs, not wanting to pressure him. </p><p>Spencer sighs heavily, extracting his head from his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I woke up feeling really sad,” he whispers, making Derek smile slightly in spite of the situation. Spencer always finds it easier to talk about emotions or heavier topics if he whispers and it’s one of Derek’s favourite quirks of his, “and I couldn’t shake it. I don’t know why. Sometimes all the bad thoughts build up and then they unleash themselves all at once. Like I never think about my dad or my childhood really, but then on a night like this I can’t stop thinking about it and I don’t know why.” </p><p>Derek knows this, of course. Spencer’s had many of these nights over the years, but he always likes to explain it, to put his emotions into words, into a medium he can process them in, so he listens diligently as his boyfriend works it over in his mind.</p><p>“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he says, running his hand comfortingly up and down Spencer’s side. “You should have woken me up, I would’ve come and cuddled you from the start.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Spencer says in a small voice. </p><p>“Hey, you don’t need to apologise for a thing, alright?” Derek says. “I’m just saying that in the future, you can always wake me straight away, even if I do usually wake up pretty quickly. I need to be here for my boy if he’s sad, don’t I?”</p><p>Spencer blushes a little at that, still flattered and overwhelmed by the intensity of Derek’s love even if it’s been lavished on him for over three years now. “Thank you, Derek,” he whispers, placing an endearing kiss to his shoulder. “I love you.”</p><p>“I love you, too,” Derek smiles gently. “Now, how about we get you a hot chocolate and a slice of toast, maybe some paracetamol for the inevitable post-cry headache and get you back to bed. We can leave a light on and we’ll put a TV show on in the background for some mindless noise, okay?”</p><p>Years of experience had cultivated a very strict aftercare routine for nights like these. Spencer’s far too overwhelmed with emotion and thoughts to go to sleep immediately after an experience like this no matter how sleepy he is, so familiarity and distraction are the best routes to getting him back to dreamland. </p><p>They drink their hot chocolates on the sofa together while Derek distracts him with pointless stories from his college days that Spencer could probably tell with better accuracy than him, but tonight he appreciates the slightly monotonous conversation, the rhythm of it soothing him, bringing him down from the emotional rollercoaster he’s just been on.</p><p>He doesn’t even complain when Derek butters a slice of toast for him, knowing that it will be futile, but he ends up enjoying it anyway, the warmth of the hot chocolate and toast sitting nicely in his belly, soothing him from the inside. </p><p>Derek ushers him around to get them ready for bed again, forcing him to brush his teeth before insisting on a kiss. “Minty,” he grins.</p><p>“Well, I should hope so,” Spencer smiles back, quirking an eyebrow. </p><p>“Come on, you,” Derek says, rolling his eyes as he leads him back to the bedroom with a warm, firm hand in his. </p><p>“Wait, Derek,” Spencer protests as Derek tries to get him back in bed, looking suddenly shy again. “Can I wear one of your shirts to bed?”</p><p>“Of course, baby boy,” Derek says gently, sensing that teasing would not be appreciated right now. “You know I’d never say no to such a polite request from such a beautiful boy.” </p><p>“I just… I like the smell, it’s comforting and I want extra Derek tonight,” he says, a little bashfully, despite feeling reassured by his boyfriend’s reaction.</p><p>Derek’s heart melts at that as he rustles through his drawer to find the most comfortable t-shirt - only the best for his boy - and like he’s done so many times over the last three years, he wonders what on earth he did to get the karma that landed such a wonderful person right in his lap. </p><p>“I understand, Spencer, it’s all good,” he says softly as he hands it over watching him slip out of his old PJ top and into Derek’s oversized shirt. “You look beautiful.” </p><p>Spencer flushes at the compliment, nestling himself into Derek’s body as he wraps him in a tight hug, pressing his face into his neck as he always does in a cuddle like this one. “Love you so much,” he murmurs.</p><p>“Oh, Spencer,” he says. “I love you even more.”</p><p>“Not possible,” he smiles, pulling away and kissing him gently before turning to climb under the covers. </p><p>“Oh, baby you have no idea,” Derek teases, but really he knows they both love each other astronomical amounts, there’s no genuine competition at all. </p><p>He pulls Spencer against his chest while he switches on the bedside lamp and the TV, finding a sitcom and turning it on low volume so Spencer won’t be tempted to comment on it. “You try and relax now, sweetheart. Sleep will come, and I’ll be right here.”</p><p>“Love you,” Spencer mumbles for the third time that night. </p><p>“I love you too, gorgeous boy,” Derek murmurs back, but he’s not sure Spencer’s awake long enough to hear him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kudos and comments are always appreciated and make me very happy, but honestly just so glad you're here! Thank you v much for reading.</p><p>This is the <a href="https://spencers-renaissance.tumblr.com/post/635336825012158464/still-left-with-the-river">rebloggable post</a> on tumblr if that's your jam &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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